Sunday, September 8, 2013

deep cleaning

I recently received several large trash bags full of amazing clothes.    When I tried to put them in my closet, I couldn't fit them in.   I knew immediately that I needed to go through all of the clothing in my closet and just reorganize the entire thing.   I needed to thoroughly deep clean my closet.  I spent the greater part of yesterday doing just that.


I have stated before that I am not very good behind closed doors.   My storage skills are lacking.  I tend to keep things that really don't serve much purpose.   Here is a representation of my closet, just to give you an idea:


As you can see, there are some nice trees in the background of this photo.   But there  is a whole lot of old and dead stuff in the way.   Pretty much like my closet, if you exchange the trees for the clothing.  

As I went through my clothing, I found they fit in the following categories:

Just plain worn out:   things that were ripped or stained beyond repair, that I just could not let go of for some unknown reason.   I guess I was thinking that I might need them later.

Just did not fit:    things that were 3 sizes too small, that I essentially keep to torture myself into trying to fit into them again.   Keep in mind that fitting into these for me involves some major eating disorder behaviors.

Just didn't work:   those things that are just plain weird and won't work, or just don't look right.  They would need huge modifications or alterations before they could be worn, and maybe would still not work.

Things that fit me right now and look great, and make me feel beautiful:  these clothes fit me right now.   They are beautiful clothes that work.   They are not ripped or worn out.   They are not too small.   They work beautifully.

It took me most of the day to weed out my closet.   I was sore, hot and tired.  But now, I have a nicely organized closet full of things that I can use now, and things that make me feel good about myself.   The clothing all fits, and it is organized, so that I can see what I have, and find it when I need it.  It was a lot of work.   But it was worth it.  Here is a representation of my new closet:



This whole closet thing got me to thinking about my beliefs and coping skills.    My beliefs and coping skills seem to mirror my closet and my clothing.   They even fit in the same categories:


Just plain worn out:    These are belief systems or unhealthy coping skills that I have worn until they have just fallen apart, and I can't wear them anymore.   An example of this is thinking that I need to rescue other people, or become their caretaker.   I know now what things belong to me and what things belong to others.   I do not excessively feel the need to mother other people anymore. 

Just did not fit:  These are the belief systems that I used to wear a lot, but for a variety of reasons, I just can't get back into them anymore.   And example of this is hiding from my mental illness.   I no longer feel the need to be ashamed of my illness.    I refuse to apologize for having bipolar disorder.  Those ideas are just too tight for me now.   I can't even step back into those ideas, and I really don't want to.

Just didn't work:   These are the belief systems and unhealthy coping skills that take up valuable space in my life that just need to go.   Unlike my closet, I still have some of these hanging around.   On some level, I am still hoping that I can make them work somehow.   A stitch here, a cut there.  I am in the process of weeding this stuff out of my life.    It is a slow and difficult process.  An example of this would be binge eating, or just plain hating myself.   In the past, those beliefs and unhealthy coping skills probably protected me on some level.   But they really don't work for me now.   I am no longer a child in a chaotic life situation.   I am an adult.  Sometimes it is still hard to let go of these things.   I know they don't work for me now, but part of me still thinks that I can't throw them away.    This is still a work in progress for me, and I am making progress.

Things that fit me know, and look great and make me feel beautiful:    I am getting more and more of these belief systems and healthy coping skills.   They are replacing the other categories of beliefs in my 'wellness closet'.   They fit me right here, right now.  They meet me where I am.   When I 'wear' these beliefs and coping skills, they look great, and I really feel beautiful and content.    An example of these beliefs and skills would be DBT skills, mindfulness practice, curvy yoga, loving-kindness meditations, and journaling.   Also included in this list are things like exercise, intuitive eating, sewing, decorating, singing, dancing and reading.   These items are just like those bags of new clothing.   They are amazing gifts.   They fit me, and when I wear them, I feel beautiful.   They are replacing the worn out, ill fitting clothing in my life that just doesn't fit me anymore and just plain does not work for me.   Soon, I will not need to hang on to the beliefs and unhealthy coping behaviors that don't work.   I will be able to throw them away and replace them with a better fit.

And, just like with my real clothing and closet, this work takes time and it makes me feel tired and sore sometimes.   But, it is so worth it!

 
 

And now for a message from our life coach cats, and One Day at a time Mindfulness:

 

My mindfulness and life coach cat message are connected today.   Mindfulness does not only mean meditative acts.   Mindfulness can also mean using your 'wise mind' to gain perspective on your life.  It means living your life with intention.   Taking the space to figure out what you need.  Looking back on what you have learned.  Using cheerleading statements to change your negative thoughts.  Gaining insight on the meaning and purpose in your life.   It can even mean just taking the space that you need to give yourself just what you need.
 
 
 

Take time to reflect on your life today.

Do you have some old beliefs or unhealthy behaviors that you can get rid of?

Begin to replace your old and worn out thoughts and beliefs with new ideas and skills.  Get rid of all of the stuff that just doesn't work.    It will take great effort.  But it will pay off in the end!



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