Happy Friday!

Happy Friday Everyone!

I don't know about you, but I love to just relax and spend time with family on Friday night.   Tonight I am going to cook a nice dinner, put my feet up and maybe watch a movie with my daughter.

Part of staying well for me involves knowing when to leave work at the office.   Sometimes, this is easier said than done.   Our work lives can sometimes be stressful.   Office politics can be very hard to deal with and sometimes work can be full of changes and uncertainty.    I am lucky that I have a job that I love.   I have worked some places that I hated every minute, and couldn't wait to run out of the door.   I tend to over think things in my life, and I really have to watch it or I will work when I am at home, or just not leave work at work.

Fridays are my time to play and just let go of the work week stress.  What will you do with your Friday?

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

Everyone needs time to play,

 

 

 

time to spend with friends and family,

 

and time to relax.

Make sure to set aside some time in your life just for fun!

Middle Beauty

I don't know about you, but when I am frustrated, upset or just annoyed I tend to vacillate between extremes.

I will have goals and work obsessively to meet them.   Then I will read that you can't force life, or I sense that I am forcing, and I let go of my goals to the extent that I no longer try and then kick my own butt for trying so hard and wanting to have goals in the first place.

Or I will feel like I really want something in my life that I do not have or want to change, and then feel guilty that I can't just like things the way that they are. 

What happens in these situations is that I bounce from one side to the other, and then feel guilty for having been to both sides.   I am trying to learn to walk in the middle.

 

 

What do I mean by the middle?   I mean that I can both work toward my goals and let go of the outcome of those goals.    I mean that I can want things that I do not have and yet be happy as I am right now in this moment.    I mean that I can want to change certain situations in my life and yet accept those situations as they are in my life right now.

 

This concept of the middle is new to me.    I have long yearned for balance in my life.   I've often known that I am out of whack.     I know that I tend to go back and forth between extremes.    I try to let go of things to the point of feeling guilty that I wanted them in the first place.   

 

I really like the middle, because it is a gentle and kind place to be.   For example, I can think things like:  I want to go to your party, and I also really need some sleep.    Or, I really like you a lot, and I am not sure that I am ready for a relationship.    This whole way of thinking allows me to be me.   It gives me permission to be myself as I truly am.

 

I am a human.   I am imperfect.    I like impermanent things.  I want things.   But, I also want to let go, I want to accept life as it is, and yet, I really want to change my life.   All of these things are okay.  I don't have to feel guilty for being me.

 

I am okay right now, just as I am, and I need to work hard to change.

 

And that is beauty.

 

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

 

We all have to find our own path in life.

Does your path give you permission to be yourself?

 

 

 

 

One Day at a time Mindfulness:

 

There are many changes coming in my life.   Some changes are easier to accept than others.   Some of these changes bring up thoughts of fear and scarcity within me.   I feel insecure and overlooked in the face of these changes.    I feel anxious.   My mindfulness for today was to put a stop to these thoughts and feelings within myself.   I stopped and checked the facts.   I described the facts verses my feelings about the facts.    I don't really know what is going to happen in the future, but I can stop myself from worrying thoughts that make me miserable today.

 

 

 





Bad Day Makeover

Do you ever just have one of those days?    Those days that leave you frustrated, and just make you feel like crying on the couch in your fat pants while you eat ice cream?   Usually, for me, those days are a series of either frustrating or hurtful events.

Today was one of those days for me.

Actually, this whole week has kind of been a series of challenging days.   Bad days used to throw me off course.  They used to just kind of fester in my mind, as I went over and over the events, feeling the hurts and stewing about the situations.  I would keep thinking about things, until I was lost in fear, or in my dire predictions of the future, based on my hurt and frustration.

Pretty soon, I would begin to feel worthless.   I would feel like I was failing at life, and just somehow not up to the task.   Of course, at times like this, everything in everyone else's life seems like a rosy path.   They all seem to be perfect, and perfectly happy people who handle everything beautifully and never have bad days, frustration, or messed up lives.

Soon, all of these thoughts about being less than everyone else, and a miserable failure and isolation would build up in me, and I would begin to feel depression creeping into my life.   My cup of frustration and anguish was full, so to speak, and any little drop, or tiny little event just would cause me to overflow.  Sometimes, I have even felt like I was falling off the end of the world, lost and alone.

 

I would feel upside down, like my world was off kilter and I was too tired and overwhelmed to get myself back on course.

 

 

I still have frustrating days.    I still really tend to take things and situations VERY, VERY PERSONALLY.    The frustration and hurt can build and build in me until I am like a whistling tea kettle ready to blow.   But things are beginning to change.    I notice signs in myself now, signs that tell me that I am going in a direction that I do not want to go.   I also have learned some new coping skills for dealing with this kind of frustration.    I still feel frustrated, and even hurt sometimes, but I do not feel like a failure.  I look at my perception of events more often, and I cheerlead myself by looking at another point of view, or telling myself that I am dealing with life the best that I can.

 

I also have increased my enjoyment of life in general by giving myself permission to be human.   By soothing myself when I have a bad day.   I rest if I need to.   I call a trusted friend or a loving family member if I need to talk to someone, or just need someone to listen.    I distract myself from the frustration and hurt by doing something fun or creative, or just relaxing by reading a book or watching a movie.    When I distract myself from my thoughts and feelings of frustration and hurt, I get some space and cushion from the pain of the situation.     After I get this cushion, things usually look better.    The hurt I was feeling seems to diminish.

 

I guess I am learning that life happens.    Life is frustrating sometimes, for everyone.   Sometimes people say and do hurtful things.   I am not alone in my frustration, my hurt, or even my feelings of somehow being less, or not measuring up somehow.   Everyone feels these feelings.  

 

I am learning how to give my bad days a makeover. 

 

 

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

Life Happens.

Bad Days Happen.

 

Sometimes you have to find a friend and get some support and understanding.

One Day at a time Mindfulness:

I was very frustrated today.   I knew I needed to do something before I began to feel overwhelmed.  I decided to use my mindfulness time to see if I could help myself to feel better and less frustrated.

I decided to focus all of my energy on what I was doing in that moment.   I was driving.   I drove one mindfully with all of my intent.   When a thought came into my head, I pushed it aside and focused on driving and on my five senses.   I thought about how the steering wheel felt in my hands, how the seat felt against my body.   I heard the song on the radio, and the sound of my car and the air conditioner as I drove.   I focused on the task at hand and kept my thoughts out.   I also made sure to take a couple of deep and soothing breaths.
I found that this really did help, even though it sounds pretty corny.   I felt much more calm and less emotional.   I got out of all of the buzz in my head and just drove and was fully present in that moment in time.

 

 

Watch your Language

Watch your language!   Mind your language!   How often have you heard that in your life?

For me, I mostly heard this when I said a cuss word at home or at school.   But how much of an impact does our language really have?   A lot!   A whole lot. 

Yesterday, I stumbled across this article about person first language for mental health disorders.  You can see the article by clicking here.

This article discusses the importance of person first language in terms of labeling ourselves with a mental illness.    I for one, have heard of person first language before.   In my day job, I am a peer support specialist.    I work for a community mental health center.   I work with people, who like me, have a mental illness.   These people, like me, are more than just a mental illness.   They are people first.    Members of a community.   Mothers, Fathers, Friends, Spouses, Siblings.   They are more than a label.  I know this person first language, and it was a part of my job training.   But how often do I catch myself, often when introducing myself at work as:  I am Bipolar?   Often.  

Saying that I am Bipolar began a long time ago for me.   Back when I was first diagnosed.  Bipolar really did define me then.   It does not define me now.   I see it as only a part of myself.   It is not the sum total of all of my parts.   So why do I still use the phrase:   I am Bipolar?     Habit.
But this is a habit that I need to break.    Especially in my job.    I want to model that Bipolar is not me.   It is just a label.   It is not my definition.  I am many things.   I am many wonderful things, and I also happen to have or live with Bipolar.    Bipolar is not my life.  It is a part of my life.  A small part.

So for all of you out there:   Watch your Language today.   Watch what you are saying about yourself.   About who you are.

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

You are an amazing being.   You are important to many people.

Why put a definition on yourself?

Use Person First Language with yourself.

You deserve it!

 

 

 

One Day at a time Mindfulness:

 

Today I had some frustrating events when I got home.  Things were not working like I wanted them to.   Usually, I get pretty grouchy when I am frustrated.   I sat down and breathed in and out up to the count of ten and then back down again before I dealt with my frustrations.   It helped me to feel calmer.

 

 

 

I also decided to eat dinner mindfully with my daughter.   I focused on the present moment using my five senses, and fully giving her all of my attention in that moment.   It was a nice dinner.   She is growing up before my eyes, and it gave me a chance to just enjoy that moment fully with her.   I also noticed that the food tasted marvelous, and that I ate less and felt satisfied earlier than normal.   All in all, it was one of my top meals of all time!

 



Resistance of Me

Yesterday I decided to begin a daily journey of mindfulness.  Why?  To save my life.

 

Inside of me there is a terrible woman.

She hates me.

She rips into me as much as she can.

 

 

I always knew she was there.   But I didn't realize how much until I began my mindfulness practice for the day.

 

 

Today, for my mindfulness practice, I decided to do some yoga from the Curvy Yoga website. I signed up for a monthly service that gives you two to three guided yoga sessions.   The one for July centered on loving-kindness towards yourself.

 

I first noticed my inner hatred when I watched a beginner video about modifications for yoga poses and moving the flesh for more comfort.   I have a book called Mega Yoga by Megan Garcia.   This book goes through the same things as this video.   Yet, in the times I have done yoga, I have not tried these modifications.  Why?   Because I do not want to be fat.    I do not like or accept my body or myself as I am.   Maybe even on some level I want discomfort.

 

Today, I did the modifications.   They helped.   They gave me comfort.

 

 

In the video on loving-kindness towards yourself, we did several poses using a chair.    At first, I felt anger about this.   I can do down dog like any one else!   I can push and push until I am in that position, ignoring the pain.    I realized by doing it on a chair and going through that Curvy Yoga video that I have not been kind to my body.

 

Something happened to me during that video.    I was kind to myself and my body.  Reluctantly kind, if I am honest, but kind.   My body feels great, without pain or forcing myself into things that are too challenging.    Also, in the video, we contemplated or meditated upon a quotation about 'being myself in the world."     I wrote this quotation on my mirrors with a dry erase marker.    I want to remember those words when I heap judgment upon myself at the mirror.

 

I will revisit this yoga video throughout the month.   I need it.   It brought me to an awareness of the resistance inside of myself.   Resistance of Me.   Resistance of my body.   Resistance of the space my body fills.   Resistance to being kind to myself and my body.   

 

 

I did not realize this resistance was there to the extent that it is.   I feel stressed about this.   I have been working so long to accept myself as I am.   But, there is a subtle change within me, like a light has been turned on in a dark room.    I have an awareness.   That is a change.

 

One day at a time Mindfulness:

 

 

Today,  my mindfulness practice gave me a light.  This light was needed in a very dark place.   I now have a new awareness.  This awareness is uncomfortable, but necessary.  This awareness showed me something new about myself that I did not know. 

 

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

Get a new perspective.  Who knows what you might see!

 





One day at a time mindfulness

Mindfulness.    Mindfulness is mentioned often in healthcare.   Mindfulness is mentioned often in therapy and in wellness and recovery circles.  But how do you get it in this stressful world?

 

 

Most of the time, I feel like this.   Squeezed, or under pressure.    I feel tired from worry and strain.   I feel tired from medication, or from early morning hours during the work week.    I feel tired just from the responsibilities of life and from the crap I carry with me each day in my mind.   Exhausted.   Stressed.

 

How can mindfulness help?     How can I fit it into my schedule?     What is mindfulness anyway?

 

Mindfulness can be many things.  It doesn't have to take up a lot of time.   It doesn't have to cost a lot of money.   It can be done anywhere and anytime.

 

 

My definition of mindfulness is being in the present moment and not trying engaging with the crap I carry with me each day.   What I mean by crap is the stuff that goes on in my head most of the time.   Thoughts or feelings like:   I wonder if I am working hard enough at work?    Do I look super fat in this outfit?    Does this person hate me?    Why don't things work out for me?   Why am I a failure?   Why can't I keep my house perfect?    Are you sure you should be eating this?    Blah, Blah, Blah.....on it goes, a nonstop tirade, sometimes full of worry and self-abuse.

 

So how do you get into the present moment?    One of the easiest and most simple ways is to breathe.   Focus on your breath as it goes in and out of your body.   I will either count up to 10 and back down, like: breathing in one, breathing out one - and so on.   Or, I will focus on words, like: breathe in here and breathe out now.     The key is to have something repetitive to focus on, so that when you mind drifts, and it will, you can pull it back to either the numbers or words you have chosen.  I usually sit upright in a chair, with my back straight, my feet flat on the floor, and my hands resting on my legs.    I need to close my eyes, but you can also find something in the room to focus on.  And then, I breathe.   And focus.   Meditate.

 

 

Another way to get into the present moment is to observe something.   Really observe it, using all of your senses.

 

 

I will often do this with nature.   I think about what I am looking at and describe it using my senses.  For those few minutes, no other thoughts come in, and if they do, I push them out and go back to the object I am contemplating. 

 



 

 

I have also petted my cats mindfully.    This is pretty easy for me to do, and is also soothing because I think of how their fur feels, I hear them purring.   If they are on my lap, I can feel the warmth and pressure of their bodies, and sometimes, I can feel them purring.

 

 

I sometimes, will also do common household chores mindfully.    Like vacuuming, folding laundry or washing the dishes.    Again, I super focus on each task, and describe or observe that task by using all of my senses.

 

 

Yoga, is another way to be in the present moment.    Yoga actually has a whole spiritual philosophy surrounding it.   The poses are just one part of that.    I have been getting more and more interested in Yoga lately.    I like it because of the fact that when I am in a difficult pose, and breathing, I am definitely in the present moment.    The other reason I am getting more interested in Yoga, is because of the concept of body love and Yoga.

 

 

 

I have spent the majority of my life hating my body.   At times, I starved my body, and would exercise as much as possible.    I used to even pound myself in the hips to walk faster.  

 

Sometimes, I feel so fat and disgusting that I give up, and binge on whatever is around.   I had my first binge experience when I was eleven years old.   I ate dried stuffing, peanut butter and sugar.   It wasn't about the food, it was about escaping from that critic in my head that is always there kicking my butt.    The body love part of Yoga, helps me to escape from that same critic.   I just am able to escape in a more positive way.    I found a website the other day, while being mean to myself.   I was thinking about looking into a local Yoga place.   Then I thought, 'you are too fat for yoga, and they won't even let you in the door.'    So, to prove to myself how horrible and gross I am, I googled  this phrase:   "Can fat people do Yoga?"

 

I was expecting to find all kinds of mocking stuff about fat people and Yoga.   I was expecting to use this information against myself.   But I found only positive.   Funny how that happens sometimes.

I found a website called Curvy Yoga.    I spent the next several hours reading a blog on that site that explains the concepts of Yoga, and how they apply to body acceptance and body love.    I was never more grateful in my life.   I am getting tired of hating my body.   I am getting tired of hating myself.   I want to put down my bag of crap.    I am tired of carrying it with me every day.

 

So I am going to try an experiment.     I am going to try being mindful in some way, every day.  I am going to attempt one day at a time mindfulness.

 

 

I will let you know how it goes in my blog.     I have this little stress tracker on my computer from the App store.    I have been tracking my stress for a couple of weeks now.    I want to see if mindfulness really works.     I want to see if it brings down my stress, and really increases my contentment and joy with life.    I believe it will, because I have seen it work when I remember to use it.

Want to try it with me?

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

 

Try being mindful.    See if it works.

It certainly seems to work for cats!

 

 

   





A helping hand full of Shame, Blame and Scorn

I was looking at the news headlines today and saw an article about the shooting tragedy in Aurora.   The article was focused on the healing of the community one year later.  

This article had a link to another article about mental health and if it has improved one year later.
You can read that article by clicking here.

Colorado and several other states have begun to put money into their mental health system instead of decades of cuts.    Colorado was among the states that took Medicaid expansions.    Medicaid expansions come with the parity bill attached.    The parity bill states that healthcare for medical illness and healthcare for mental illness need to be equal.
But, remember that it took a tragedy to get these services.   Otherwise, it would be business as usual.  Cuts and more cuts, served with shame.

But what about states that did not take the Medicaid expansions?  What is mental health care like in those states?

My state did not take the Medicaid expansions.   My state thus did not have to follow the parity bill.  My state does not have to make treatment equal.   My state actually cut services for the mentally ill across the board.   How does this even remotely make sense?

What this means is that in states that accepted Medicaid expansions, they are only fixing services for mental health because they have to do that if they take the money.    In states that did not accept the Medicaid expansions at all, they are still cutting services.   So, in the United States, we will only help people who suffer from mental illness if the government makes us.    Nice.  And, people have to die before changes are made.  It takes tragedy.   Senseless murder.  

If you read that article, some of the things they are doing in states that did accept the Medicaid expansions are great.   For this, we can all thank SAMHSA.    Pamela Hyde is doing a fabulous job of heading SAMHSA.   Even in my state, where they did not even think about taking the money that would help us, they are going to train people throughout the state on Mental Health First Aid.    Mental Health First Aid is mentioned in the article.    It is a program that teaches a community about mental illness, so that they have facts and not misinformation.   It takes the unknown out of mental illness so that everyone can stop treating us like Boo Radley.   Thank you SAMHSA.

Near the bottom of this article, they get to the gun control issue.   And a helping hand full of Shame, Blame and Scorn.  What do I mean by this?  They still want us to feel shame for existing.   They still want us to accept the label of psycho killers.   They still want to pretend that the ONLY people who kill others are mentally ill.

 

If they can Shame us, they don't have to help us, unless they are forced to help us.

If they can Shame us, we will keep quiet.   We will not speak if our civil rights are violated.

 

 

My favorite part of the whole article is Florida.    Yes, Florida.   Apparently Florida just passed a law that if you VOLUNTARILY go in for mental health services, you surrender your gun rights.

 

 

Yes, you heard right.   

You can murder people in the streets because of their race in Florida.

But you can't have a gun if you go in for services for depression.

Wow.

 

Now, I don't own a gun.   Nor do I want to own a gun.   I am not a big gun fan.   But, I do not think it is right to strip an entire population of their rights.    Not all people with mental illness kill.   Florida's gun law does two things.    Number one, it spreads prejudice and stigma.  But hey, maybe that's how they roll in Florida.    Number two, they insure that NO ONE WILL GO IN FOR MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES IN FLORIDA.   So good luck with that one, Florida.  

 

Someday, it is my hope that we can receive great services for mental health, because that is what society should offer its citizens.   Someday, it is my hope that the helping hand isn't full of Shame, Blame and Scorn. Someday, it is my hope that we wake up to the reality of mental illness.  Mental illness is an illness like any other.   People can and do, recover.   But we need services.   Good Services.   Without stigma.    

 Mental illness is not our fault.    Mental illness is not a crime.  Wake up, people.

 

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

Don't buy into the Stigma.  Believe in yourself.

 

Become an Advocate. 

Take mental illness out of the shadows.

You can advocate in many ways.   Social Media.   Blogs.   Face to Face.    It is harder to discriminate when you know the person behind the illness.    So let's make it harder for them to stigmatize us.  Educate and Inform.    Let people know.    We can make a difference.   Now is the time.