Everything else can just wait until Tuesday

It has been far to long since I have posted anything!    School started back up this week and I needed to move my office at work, so the past two weeks have been just sort of an overwhelmingly fast paced blur of activity.

 

 

When life speeds up, I tend to speed up too.   

 The night before I moved my office at work, I had a difficult time falling asleep, even with my medication.   My medication usually knocks me completely out.   I had plenty of energy the next day to move the office, but I had a hard time catching my thoughts.   I felt rushed and a little confused.   The chaos of moving is a struggle for me.  Add to that the chaos of the first week of back to school for my child, and you have the perfect recipe for a nice little mania mixed with some anxiety for spice.

 

 

I found myself edging up that mania scale.    I have a hard time sleeping.   I have a lot of wonderful ideas.   I begin to want to create things.  I will often sign up for too many projects or committees.  I will want to begin purchasing things.   I will sometimes spend too much money.  I also notice some sensory issues when things speed up for me.   I have a lower tolerance for things being 'out of their place'.   Any kind of clutter is almost like someone is screaming at me.  Music can seem too loud and too fast.   I feel speeded up and confused, and my environment seems like the sensory equivalent of really rough sandpaper.  

 

It is weird.   It's like the world seems too much.    Like someone turned up some kind of cosmic volume knob on the entire world and everything seems louder and brighter.   Sometimes this effect is super cool and intoxicating.   Since I feel overwhelmed with all of the stuff I have to do right now, this effect is just super annoying.   I find myself wanting to snap at people.

 

To cope with this, and to give my body and mind a chance to calm down a little, I decided that I needed a break.    I am taking a nice long weekend.  I have also made myself check in on my bank account to keep in touch with financial reality.   It is easy to spend too much money when I feel like this.   I also am limiting the things that I will allow myself to do.   If I am not careful, I will do way to much, and just keep this manic momentum going.    It is hard to limit this, because I really am creative and can get a massive amount of things accomplished when I feel this way.   I feel a little chaotic, but I am damn happy about it.

 

But there is another side to all of this that gets really ugly in a hurry.   Mania must be limited.   It can go from 0 to 60 really quick.   It can devastate your life.    I am committed to never allowing that to happen to me again.  

 I do not want to lose my footing. 

 

 

 

So for this Labor Day weekend, I am focused on not really having much labor at all.   I need to just take time out to relax.   Meditate.   Maybe to not do anything.    So I am going to just be lazy and enjoy myself a little.   I need to get away from my never ending 'to do' list.   I need to break that list down into small 'bite-sized' chunks of chores.    But that can wait until Tuesday.    Today is mine to just 'be'.

 

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

Sometimes, you just gotta rest.  

 

 

One day at a time mindfulness:

For me right now, mindfulness means knowing that I am not in a good place for a lot of activity.   I need to slow down.    I need to rest.   My mind is moving too fast for me to meditate on just my breath.   I will have to count my breaths in order to stay focused enough to be still.   This is exceptionally difficult for me.    Today is my 'rest' day, but I have already rearranged my pantry and revamped my whole shopping list for the month.  Twice.    I had to stop myself.  Mindfulness in this situation is being aware of my mental state, and calming myself down to the point where I can stop and evaluate my actions.    I will allow myself to do a few things.  But that is it.   Then I am done.