Just what I needed

I've been having a rough time lately.  I have been dealing with some depression and anxiety.  There is a lot of change in my life, and there's been some rough days at work.   Today, my seemingly hectic life gave me just what I needed.

I had a nice picnic in the rain with some old friends.    I forgot about my struggles, and just enjoyed the time with them.   It was nice, and it was exactly the medicine I needed to deal with my pain.   DBT skills and mindfulness are helping too, they seem to put me in a place where I can at least think and not get lost in a sea of emotion.  I probably wouldn't have gone to the picnic if I didn't have these skills.  I would've just barricaded myself at home and got lost on the wave of emotion.

Instead, I went out and left my stress for about 2 hours, and had an amazing time.    I enjoy it when I get little gifts from life.  Even in some of my most miserable times, I've had these little islands of rest that seem to fill my cup and keep me going.   I feel very grateful.    And that is saying a lot since this morning I pretty much hated life and was so nervous and upset that I couldn't even drink my coffee.   If you knew me, you'd know how big of a statement that is.   I am practically surgically attached to my coffee.

Sometimes, just doing ANYTHING helps me to get away from my depression and anxiety and the hard situations in my life.   Having an activity to focus on, or a person to talk to really does help.   The nice thing about this picnic is that I didn't even need to talk about the stuff that was bothering me.    I just talked to friends and enjoyed the day.   It gave me the space I needed to put away my work day, and begin my home day.   It gave me the space I needed to just breathe and relax.

I enjoy those times when life seems like a gift that gives us just what we need.  I am happy to see this more and more in my life.  There used to be more pain in life for me.   There is still pain now, I think I am just better equipped to deal with it before it messes with me on a physiological level and sends me into a bipolar tailspin.    I may have to work hard sometimes to get to this point, but before I was too lost to even begin to find the joy in life.

Pockets of joy in the hard times are a gift.   How many of them have been in your life?   Have they helped you?

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

Depression and Anxiety can turn your life upside down.

They make it harder to accept life and change.

These are the times to trust that things can and will get better.

These feelings will not last forever.  They will pass.

 

 

One Day at a time Mindfulness:

Today, I decided to make a 'Grateful List' for my daily mindfulness.   I have slipping in doing something mindful every day, because depression gets in the way.    I tend to want to give in to the depression, and not do the things I know make me feel better.   Everything just seems so much harder when you feel depressed.   It surrounds you and suffocates you with its sadness and numbness.  Making a grateful list is the absolute last thing in the world that I want to do.   I feel bitter and horrible and I don't want to be grateful.     But I know it will help.  So here is my list:

I am grateful for:

my daughter, my family, my friends, my boss, my job, my home, the smell of the earth in the rain, my cats, the progress I have made in life, the new coping skills I am learning in my job, grapes, tomatoes, pay day, and the pool.

 

Making this list shows me the bounty that is present in my life.   If flips my focus away from the lack or the feelings that drag me down.   It changes my perspective on my hardships and it gives me hope for the future.   I feel more content with myself and my situation.   I feel more content with the ordinary.  I feel like I have a good life even if I do deal with depression.   I feel blessed that I have an opportunity to learn new skills to help myself get through this time.   I know it sounds corny to make a list of things that you are grateful for when you feel like just laying on your couch and telling everyone to just go to hell, but it really does work.   Try it.