Heavy Lifting

 

 

I've been struggling with depression lately.   It feels heavy.  I don't feel like doing much.  My soul feels like it is full of lead.

So, today I decided to do some heavy lifting.

Let's face it.   It's hard work to fight depression.  I have to really work at it.   I know what I need to do to fight it.   I have to force myself out of my house over and over and over.   The first activity is always the hardest.   After that, I usually will have an idea for something else that I can do that will lift my spirits.   Then the trick is just following through with whatever activity that I have selected for the day.   Once I've done a few things, then the lead in my soul is not as unbearable.    It may still be there but it is not as bad.   I may still feel like it is a challenge to do everything I need to do to get through the day, but I feel much more able to face things.   

 

I used to feel ashamed and angry that I had to work harder to face life.   I didn't want to have to do this heavy lifting to get through the day.  The fact that I need to do this to face life used to make me feel like I was less than other people.  But now I know that we all deal with hard and heavy things.  In reality, everyone has some type of heavy lifting.   If I was in a wheel chair, I would need to adapt my surroundings and the way that I do things to move around in my chair.  I would need to have some necessary accommodations in my life.  If I had a cold or a flu, I might have to change my plans.  I may need to get some rest, or take some medicine to help me deal with my symptoms.   The same goes for mental illness, or mental health challenges.  Sometimes, some days, I need to adapt.  I need to make room for these accommodations to help myself to move through my environment.  I need to take good care of myself, and give myself time to heal.

 

I think my anger and shame came from self stigma.   I guess I felt that it was wrong to have a mental illness.  That I shouldn't be different than other people, that I shouldn't have to force myself into an activity just to feel like I was able to put one foot in front of the other and show up for life.  But it is okay to have depression.   It is okay to have anxiety.   It is okay to have mania.  They are just like any other illness.  It is okay to adapt yourself and to learn to cope with the changes your illness may bring to your life.

 

These were my accommodations today:

 

 

Nature.    I have a connection to nature.  I need to be outside when I am depressed.

I need to throw my everything into an activity outside.  Today I pulled some weeds in the yard.

 

 

This activity did two things.  First, I used it as a mindfulness exercise to give myself some emotional space from my depression and loneliness.  Second, it was like cold medicine for my soul.  It got me up and out of the house, and involved.  Just involved in anything helps me when I am depressed.  Being involved makes my mind work better.  I usually am better able to think of what I need to do for the day to cope.

 

 

As I pulled the weeds, I thought about activities that would bring me joy.  Things that would bring playfulness to my heart.   

 

 

 I chose to do some yoga to stretch my body and to spend some time in meditation and to just breathe.  Yoga also makes me feel connected to the universe, and since I practice 'loving kindness' towards my body while I do the poses and meditation, it helps me to not binge eat.  I usually end up being much more gentle to my self and my body after yoga.

 

 

As I was doing yoga, I thought about how much I wanted to go for a walk.

My body was just aching for a walk.

 

I also thought about a good friend.   She is someone who sometimes struggles with the same things that I do.  She is also a 'healthy' friend.  We do healthy things together.  She is also an inspiration to me, because I know that she loves and accepts herself.   We can support and encourage each other without giving advice.  I texted her and asked her to go for a walk.   She has 2 beautiful black dogs, and we each walked one.   It was lovely.  It was a beautiful day to be outside.  We were good company for each other, and the dogs were wonderful.   Animals always help to lift my spirits.  Cats are my companions in the quiet, and dogs are great companions for adventure.  They are happy and content creatures.   I really needed the walk and her friendship.

 

These accommodations today made my day better.   I woke up feeling depressed and lonely.   I didn't want to do any heavy lifting.  But doing that heavy lifting helped me to turn my day around.   Doing that heavy lifting helps me to be mindful of what activities buoy my spirits.  Doing that heavy lifting allowed me to lift the heaviness of depression, so that I can cope.

 

What can you do to help you?   What is your heavy lifting?

 

 

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

Listen to yourself today.  Be gentle with yourself.

Give yourself permission to be you.   Give yourself what you need.

 

 

 

One Day at a time Mindfulness:

Today I pulled weeds mindfully.    What does that mean?   I knew I needed to get outside and do an activity.    I woke up feeling low and dark.  My soul felt weary and heavy.   I knew that I needed an activity that I could just lose myself in the present moment.   I like working in the yard and in my garden.   I like pulling weeds as a mindfulness activity.   I simply begin by taking a few deep breaths.   Then, I feel the warmth of the sun.  I listen to the sounds in the air.   I feel the weeds in my hands.   I feel them as I pull them.   I can also smell the weeds and the smells of the earth.   I like the smell of the earth.    It makes me feel connected.   When I am depressed, I often feel disconnected.   I feel separate from everything.   I like to get a connection with nature.   Plants weather change.   They are rooted to the ground and the weather and the air.   They remind me that I am connected too.   While I pulled the weeds, I was in the present moment.    Being in the here and now always helps me.  I get out of my head space for just a tiny bit.   This activity helped me to pull some of the weeds in my life.   I have many coping skills for depression.   Some are healthy, and some are not.  

Being Mindful helps me to choose the healthy coping skills over the unhealthy.  Choosing the healthy coping skills helps me to get well and stay well.   I can avoid the shame that comes with unhealthy behaviors.   Healthy coping skills keep me from becoming stuck, and staying stuck in depression.