Splintered

Ever have one of those days where you just feel broken, splintered and stretched too thin?  

 I've been feeling that way for many days now.   Not necessarily all in a row, but the feelings keep coming back and back.

I have a job that is stressful and amazing and rewarding and painful, all rolled in to one.  It can be a real challenge for me some days.   Yet, at the same time, I am growing from having this job.  I am immersed in mental health recovery.   I am learning how to develop skills and tools that help me and other people to cope with the challenges of living life with a mental illness.   I am also learning to strengthen my interpersonal skills, and I have struggled with this area of my life for a long time.  I am learning to stand up for myself and to set boundaries.  I needed to learn these skills and wellness tools, so that I could continue to grow as a person.  

Growth is amazing.   And painful.  And necessary.  And really, really painful.

Today,  am at a conference in a different town.   As I was driving here today, I questioned my job.   Times have been hard lately, and a bad day in the mental health work world can be a very bad day.  I sometimes have this feeling like I am falling off the edge of the world.  Like I have no idea where my life is going and that I am spiraling out of control, with no real purpose.  In the midst of this feeling I prayed or asked 'why am I here'.   'Do I really need to be doing this job?  Do I really belong in the mental health world?  Will I ever make a difference, or a change?'

I just sort of left that thought there, and went on driving and going about my day.  For me, when I have a crisis of faith in life, or myself, or just whatever, I usually get an affirmation.  That affirmation or answer can be 'get out' or 'stay right where you are'.   I had that affirmation today.    I know I am right where I need to be in my life.    Life can really be a challenge sometimes, for all of us.   If you have mental health challenges as well, it can get pretty darn interesting sometimes.  We all have those days where we feel splintered.   We all have days when we feel like we are just running full speed ahead towards a cliff.  I am just grateful that those days are not constant.   I am grateful that those days have an end.  When they come, I am grateful that I am learning the skills to deal with them.

Change and Growth are painful, and will probably always be hard for me.  I do struggle.   The difference now is that I don't give up.  I don't fear these times as much anymore.  I feel better prepared to deal with them.   I feel like I have worked on the skills to weather these splintering times, and I am learning how to increase the chances that I have amazing and healing times to balance out the hard times.  Life will always provide us with challenges.   My job provides me with plenty of challenges, and it also provides me with truly rich and meaningful experiences, as well as stellar coping skills.   Splinters are on one side, and beauty is on the other.   I just need to keep trying to keep my balance, and accept that the splinters and beauty of life and work are normal.  I also know that I can handle both the splinters and the beauty.  

And now for a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

Life can be full of times that leave you feeling splintered.

You can handle these times.

Keep Going.  This won't last forever.

 

 

 

One day at a time mindfulness:

Today for my mindfulness activity I did a couple of different things.  During my conference I really tried to focus on keeping my thoughts in the present moment and to 'one-mindfully' focus on the information and the tasks before me.   This helped me to get out of all of the emotions swirling around in my head from the situations in my life.

 

I also did a progressive relaxation for my body, along with some meditation focused on my breath.  My mind is all over the place tonight, so I needed to count my in and out breaths until I could just focus on the breath.    This helped me to relax.  When times are turbulent for me, or if I have been triggered by events in my life, I need this space to just be.   It helps me to deal in fact more than emotions, and it just helps me to function better in general.