Love in the Hard Places

 

We've all had these times.

Those days where you feel you are trapped.  Stuck.  Alone, forgotten and frozen.

There are times in our lives that are hard.  These times come for all of us.   In my life, these times often come when I am in the midst of a life lesson.  Learning can be painful.  Sometimes, during these lessons, I look out at my life and I see only wounds.   I see only what is left when everything has been cut away.   I am in the midst of the lesson.   The old ways are gone, and the new ways have not yet come.   This is a hard time, and often a painful time.

 

 

 

Waiting in the middle is hard to do.

 

In my life, when I have made the biggest changes, or learned the biggest lessons, there are long periods of time when I am in 'limbo'.   In these times, people leave.   I have changed.    I have begun to act and live in new ways.   It is like we are all souls in a dance.   When the song changes, we change partners.   When I get tired of dancing to the same old song, I look for a new song.  Often, I may stand alone until I find dance partners who want to dance to the same song as me.   

 

When we are doing work on ourselves, and we are growing in recovery and wellness, we often experience this limbo.   This is the time for faith.   We are literally in-between.   The old has passed away, and the new is still in the process of coming.  I have been here many times.   It is hard each and every time.      My sister is in this place in her life right now.    I wish I could pull her out of this place, because I know the pain.   But I can't.   Just like me, and just like you, she has to go through this valley of change to get to the other side.    I can only walk beside her in love.

 

I am very close to my sister.   I love her very much.    I am grateful for her.   She is an amazing person and very strong.   She has been through so much difficulty in her life.   She is a survivor.  We often talk to each other and support one another in the rough times of our lives.  She reads many of the same self-help books that I do.   One of our favorite writers is Melody Beattie.  I have many of her books, and use some of them every day.   One of my all time favorites is a daily meditation book called The Language of Letting Go.  This book has helped me more than I can express.   I was looking through it this morning, after talking with my sister.   I found a quotation that I would like to share:

 

Even if the most important person in your world rejects you,

You are still real,

And,

You are still okay.

 

We are not responsible for the actions of other people.   We cannot take on their stuff.  Their actions and their behavior belongs to them.   Our actions and our behavior belongs to us.   Many of us may feel like we are unlovable when other people are harsh with us, or reject us.   Melody Beattie states that this is because "while growing up, many of us did not receive the unconditional love we deserved.  We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable.  Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one...In recovery, we're learning to separate ourselves from the behavior of others.  And we're learning to take responsibility for our healing, regardless of the people around us."

 

 

Today, I would like to tell everyone out there, my sister and myself that we are all lovable.  We are all worthy.  New love and friends will come.   This lesson, or this hard time will pass away.   New is coming.  You are almost there.  The work you are doing today will show up in your life tomorrow.  You are changing and growing.  Growth hurts.   Change hurts.

 

 

To my dear sister, I want to say that I love you, and I am with you as you grow in the hard places.   I am with you as you find love for yourself in the hard places. 

 

 

And now a message from our life coach cats:

 

 

 

 

You are lovable, just as you are.

You are lovable even when people walk away.

You are lovable, even when you are alone.

You are lovable.